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Hailey: Hey, just blog hoping! stop by anytime you wish!
pj: Hello, stop in to say Hi and see If I can learn anything.
Lizthemadcow: Heya...where've you been?
Exercisegirl: Just passing thru and thought I'd say hello..I love the colors you have in here...Have a great day...
Lisa: Happy Thanksgiving!!
Devi0us: Hi Faith Have a Happy Thanksgiving!!
Bejaye: Happy Thanksgiving!
Devi0us: Hi Faith!! Glad to see the site going so well for you!Have a wonderful week!
KK: you give great advice!!!
Grizz: Just playing catch-up with you, thanks for stopping by before, I am just now getting around to visit with others, its been a busy two-weeks..hope all is well with you..Grizz
Lizthemadcow: Just passing through for a read!
crimson_shine: You have a really neat site here. It's really interesting to be able to come, and just read about the different scenarios people are looking for guidance on. May God Bless you, as you attempt to give advice. Have a great weekend!
devi0us: Hi Faith,well i'd ask a question except i don't exactly know what i'm trying to ask it's about my mother perhaps reading my newest post will give you an idea about my mom.Anyhoo's when I think of the right question I will certainly ask! By the way I have put up a forum if you'd like to check it out.Take care
Yoshi: Hey, just wanted to drop by and say thank you for the tag on my journal! This is a great idea and I'll probably be back sometime soon.
Kat: cool idea for a site n it's obvious u put a lot of thought into ur advice. thank u for ur time and kindness
Deanna: Hiya, you have a great journal page. Thank you for visiting mine.
Devious: Hi there! we wnt outta town to visit family,just got back yesterday and I barely started to feel better as well yesterday! The kids had fun on halloween though! But I'm Exausted now lol
Jenn (Different Jenn!): Wow, this is cool! This should become a great blog in no time!
Leticia: Hi! I saw this link from Jenn's blog and thought I would pop over and say "hello and welcome."
Jenn: Hi! I hope it is ok, but I really do think you have an interesting concept here, so I posted an entry about your blog on mine. I know with enough participation this will really be a hit!
secretconfessions: I really like your blog! I just started one of my own and am really new to this. Have a great day!
Minnie: hey faith,Wow, thanks for the wonderful compliment. I was overwhelmed! anyway, you've got a wonderful blog here.. I havent got around the reading yet but I sure will take some time to do that soon.. have a nice day!
Liz: Hi Faith! I think that your advice blog is really helpful. I will be a frequent visitor.
Jenn: Stopping by to see how your new journal is going. Wanted to wish you an awesome week filled with love, blessings and fun!
dee: Just wanted to drop by & say Hi! Your journal is a nifty idea. I'll be returning soon to read some more of your interesting advice! Have a lovely day!
hutien: heya, i'm just blog hopping nice site. do drop by in mine too =) and give some comments. God Bless. =)
Kris S: Saw your tag on another blog and thought I'd come by and say hello. Please stop by and get acquainted...the door's always open!
Beth: just blog hoppin and wanted to say happy halloween
Amandamagick: Very nice idea!!! love it!
Lizthemadcow: Thanks, and I wish you a fun weekend as well.
Bonnie: Hi thanks for stopping by my journal...nice place you have here. Take care.
~STONEY~: Hi Faith! Thank you for dropping by my soapbox & leaving such kind comments! Having this advice blog is a great idea. It's so wonderful to see someone like yourself showing others so much compassion and understanding. Sometimes we all need a little advice. Keep up the great job!
Bejaye: Thanks for stopping by. I really like your page and great name.
Walt: The Lord Jesus Christ be with thy spirit. Grace be with you. Amen. -2 Timothy 4:22
Gloria: Thanks for your tag. You are always welcome!
P.J.: hi, Thanks for the compiment.
Lizthemadcow: Thanks for the tag! I'll be stopping by often.
Tonya: wow, really glad that I was playing tag and found your journal, this is a wonderful Idea.
Jenn: Awesome idea! I love this! I would really like to add you to my friends list to help get you more exposure. Let me know! Have a wonderful weekend. Wishing you many blessings~
Steve: Hi there Faith! What a good idea for blog-an advice column. I'll be back to read more. Mind if I add you to my friends list on my blog?
Devious: Thank you so much for stopping by!! I appreciate the warm thoughts come by anytime! Would it be alright to add you to the friends list?Lots of people have questions on faith,and lots of stuff especially me i'd love to visit you daily!
Lisa: Hi Faith! Welcome! Thanks for the tag! I like the idea you have here. Very thoughtful of you. If I ever do have a question, I will be sure to pop by!
Sami: Hello! And thank for tagging my site. Can I add this to my list of friends? Also, I submitted two comments because I didn't throughly read that it has to be approved before it will show up. My bad.
venom75: Just stoping by to say hi.
Eric: Hi there, just stop by to say hello & hope this finds you well here!
yarelis: nice weekend
Chris: Hi Faith... great name for your blog/journal/advice column. I'll have to think of some things and some questions and come back and see what you're up to!
Faith: Welcome Everyone!

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Friday, November 4th 2005

1:03 AM

Emotionally Stressed With Crazy Living Arrangements

  • Recommended Book: Suggest Your Father Look At:


 

Hiya, thank you for visiting my journal at bravenet.com ...

I don't know how to explain this, but since you're a psychologist and stuff, maybe you can help me?

It's a really hard to explain so I'm going to try. ...

Early this summer my dad made a decision, that has totally messed up my life. (firstly I'm married, and us both live with my dad) ... My dad decided, without taking into concideration how me or my husband feels about this. He decided for my ex to move in with us. Now the terrible thing about that is, my ex. is a violent person, he is always complaining just to start problems. Anything innocent he turns into a problem, I guess so he feels in control or whatever. But I told my dad before this happened, that it would not work out for him to be here. He didn't listen.

Now as the months have went by since July, this has happened.... My ex. not only gets violent but has almost killed his gf. My dad seems to think that he can solve every problem, but doesn't understand the risks. He doesn't seem to understand how it makes me and my hubby feel with my ex. living here. My relationship with my dad has went down the drain, the bond between my hubby and my dad is now gone. I've been completely depressed and emotionally drained, and messed up since my ex. has been here.

Tell me please am I crazy for not wanting my ex. here? Is there something mentally wrong with me, for believing that dad made a terrible decision of having my ex. here? Because apparently my ex. is making me believe that my husband and I are the real problems, (mind you, my hubby and I live in our attic, and keep to ourselves, not desturbing anyone.) ... I'm told that my feelings are negative, and that it is right to have my ex. live here. Shouldn't my dad take into concideration of my feelings, and tell my ex. to leave. That he made a mistake telling him to move here?!!?

I'm 26 years old, I'm waiting for my hubby to get into the army. Once that happens, we'll be living in our own place. But until then, what do I do? My dad and my hubby were getting along so well, before my ex. moved in. Now it's like my dad is not himself anymore. My hubby feels like he's not a good enough son-in-law, which I understand how he feels. Hubby felt really important to my dad before my ex. came back in the picture. We three were all getting along, and everything was great. Now everything is all messed up! !!

I just don't know what to do. I don't even feel welcomed in my own dad's house. I don't even feel like dad even cares anymore. My ex. is a master at playing mind manipulating games, and he also is good at reading people's emotions, and plays on them for to his advantage. He is a control freak, and his gf told me that the only reason he never hurt me physically was because (since I'm so skinny) that he was afraid he'd break me, or kill me without trying. My ex, is ahuge and tall person. I'm petite and small, lol! Every gf he had he physically abused, mentally, emotionally and spiritually abused. He did the same to me but didn't physically abuse me. (thankfully) Alot of what his gf goes thru I can understand, and though I try not to take out my emotions on her, it's really hard because she gets emotional too. She's in a busive relationship with my ex. yet she is still with him. I don't understand. What she is going thru, I experienced and I got myself out of it. Why can't she? !!?

I know this is long, but I was wondering if you can give me some advice. Because I don't know what to do.

Thank you much.

Sincerely, Emotionally Stressed!

Dear Emotionally Stressed,
 
First of all, let me clarify that I am not a psychologist.  I am not a counselor, psychiatrist, or physician.  I'm just a regular wife and mom who offers down-to-earth advice.  I hope I am able to do that for you today.
 
I guess there are a few facts I do not know.  Most importantly, does your father know you were emotionally abused by this ex?  Does he know that he has a history of physically abusing women?  If not, then might I suggest that you arrange to meet with your dad, alone, and enlighten him about these important facts.  Tell him that you are not only uncomfortable with him in the household, but that you are also afraid.  I would let him know that your husband is not at all comfortable with the situation either.  I do not see how a father could continue to let a man who had abused his daughter in the past live under the same roof with her.
 
But, if your father is aware of all of this and still invited your ex to live in the same home as you and your husband, then I would have to question your father's judgement in a big way.  Truly, I find it odd that a father would invite an ex (bad or good) to live in the same house as his daughter and her spouse. 
 
Ultimately, you cannot control any factors in this situation except for yourselves.  I would not be shy in talking, in a personal setting, very seriously and matter-of-factly to your father and give him a choice to make.  I would arm him with every necessary detail and then tell him that he needs to decide if he wants his daughter and son-in-law to stay with him or if he wants your ex.  This may be hard for you and you might find it inappropriate to do this when it is your dad's house, but you are his daughter and he should make the right choice.
 
If, by some chance, your father chooses your ex over the two of you, then you must be prepared to move out.  I do not know your circumstances, but I would imagine that a very economical apartment would be better than living in the same household as an abusive ex.  That is not healthy for you, or your husband.  If you are unable to afford any type of housing until your husband is in the Army, then try and stay with a friend or another relative.  Explain to them the situation and relocate.  As I said earlier, the only factor you can control in this situation 100% is yourselves.
 
Rereading your letter, you do make it sound as though your father knows all the facts about this man?  Is he aware of the severity of the violence this man is capable of?  If so, then I, too, have to question your dad's decision-making.  If your father has never acted in a manner like this before, you may be dealing with something else like senility or alzheimer's.  Having had several grandparents go through alzheimer's, I can say that poor judgement that is out of character is a huge sign that something is not right. 
 
Whatever you do, I would not approach the ex or even interact with him in any way.  I don't believe that the problem can be dealt with through him at all.  He sounds entirely too manipulative and dangerous.  If you get no results talking seriously and sternly with your father, then you have no option but to move out.  It is not a healthy or safe atmosphere for you.  It could further hurt you, emotionally, and eventually damage your marriage.  Nothing is worth that. 


6 Advice From Readers / Any Other Advice?

Saturday, October 29th 2005

7:07 AM

Teen Has Mixed Feelings About Moving

 

hi faith. um, i guess i should get started.
 
well, lately, i've been having a tough time here at home. i am only 14 and i've had so much stress on me. i just got my report card and my parents are angry at me, pressuring me to study and study and get my grades up. then, because my mom and dad don't live together after my dad's company made him move 8 hours away, my mom is looking for a job near where my dad is. she wants all of us together so she doesn't have to deal with me by herself. and i have tried to be good, but it isn't my nature. i had recently told my friends about this moving situation and a ton of them are asking if there is anyway to actually stay here. they've gotten so desired for me to stay that they made up some stupid ways to keep me here at home like digging a huge hole under their house so i can live under there for the rest of my school years. yeah, stupid. but because of the way my mom has been and my grades (plus the way i have to contact my dad and show him my homework via email which is a pain), i kind of want to move. i can tell that my friends understand the way i feel, but i know that they really want me to stay. i also want to stay because all of us want to be together when we go into high school. for my parents' sake, i want to move. but for me and my friends, i don't. it is so tiring to know what i want to do and what i should do. i just don't know how to handle this.
 
mixed feelings
 
 
 
 
Dear Mixed Feelings,
 
First of all, let me give you a big, virtual hug!  You have a really stressful situation that you are dealing with right now and that might account for your struggling grades.  With your family being geographically separated and living with a mom who is pretty stressed out, herself, this could be contributing to your grade problem.  You have a lot on your mind right now and that could be keeping you from performing as well as you could with your studies.  It sounds like you are trying your best and that is all that you can do.  As far as your grades go, if you and your mom are concerned, try talking to some of your teachers.  See if they can help provide you with any extra tutoring or help in the subject(s) that you are having problems with.  In addition, if they know what you are going through, they may be able to offer some valuable advice and support. 
 
Your feelings regarding the impending move are normal and reasonable.  Being a teenager, you have a group of friends that you have worked hard to get.  It is tough being your age, I can remember!  Trying to fit in is difficult and it probably seems that you would have to start all over again in a new area.  Knowing who you can trust, who is nice, who is not, and what is expected of you at a new school is frightening and confusing.  Sweetie, it is inevitable that you will have to move.  It is not healthy for your parents and family to be geographically separated and that lends itself to a lot of unhappiness.
 
Just because you will be moving doesn't mean that you will lose your friends.  Especially with today's technology!  When I was 14, all we had was snail mail and the occasional (very expensive) long distance phone call.  Maintaining friendships across the miles was very difficult.  But now?  Your options are unlimited and it can literally feel like they are still right in the same town with you most of the time.
 
Here are some suggestions that you might want to consider.  Be sure to talk with your parents about any of these suggestions that you will need their help with.  Be patient with your mom, because she is stressed and has mixed emotions also. 
 
(1.)  Maintain contact with your friends through the internet (email, instant messaging, voice chat)
 
(2.)  Know that it may be possible for you to return to your old hometown for a visit with a friend during a break or summer.  Also, it is possible for you to invite friends to your new home.
 
(3.)  Focus on learning all that you can about your new town.  Try to find out about the school you would be attending...what clubs do they have?  Will you be able to join in the same activities you are in now?  Arrange for your parents to get this set up for you when the time comes.
 
(4.)  Have your parents contact the school you will be attending and get a few kids in the grade you will be in that you can shadow.  This means that they can show you around, be available if you need to talk, and help you get to know the area.  The school should be able to hook you up with other kids who will be able to do this.
 
(5.)  Start thinking about how you might like to decorate your new room!  This is a great chance to update the look of the place in which you spend a lot of time.  At your age, you might look for a more mature look (since you have left behind childhood and are becoming a young adult). 
 
(6.)  Talk to your parents about finding information about local places of worship.  It could be very helpful to get involved in a church/synagogue/etc that focuses on youth.  This could be a great place to meet new friends and receive support.
 
(7.)  See if your parents can get a telephone plan with unlimited long distance inside the country you in which you live.  There are many plans available and it might be very nice for you to be able to pick up the phone and call your best friends back in your own hometown.
 
If you need any further assistance, please email me again.  I would be more than happy to help you research your new town and get to know more about it.  Overcoming the unknown is a big step in feeling better about the situation you are living.  Big hugs to you!
 
 
1 Advice From Readers / Any Other Advice?

Friday, October 28th 2005

4:23 PM

Lonely & Considering An Affair

 

Hi Faith. I'm so glad I stumbled across your blog. What a great idea this is! So far it doesn't look like anyone has asked for advice, so I guess I'll be the first. Here goes.

 
I've been thinking about having an affair. My husband works very long hours, and is just never there for me anymore. I know it isn't his fault, but I didn't get married to be alone. I've tried to talk to him about it, but he says there is nothing he can do, and that he has to work those hours. I know I could easily just divorce him, because we don't have children, but I do truly love him. Help me please, Faith.
 
Lonely in Minnesota
 
 
 
 
Dear Lonely in Minnesota,
 
It is a very difficult and brave thing to admit that you have these feelings.  Even being honest with yourself must be terribly difficult.   Being alone, especially while married, is tedious and hard to deal with.  It is normal to enter into a marriage with expectations.  Unfortunately, real life sets in and we realize that not all of them are realistic.  A great number of couples experience a lack of time together; from being separated by a war to working opposite shifts. 
 
Sometimes it is not the quantity of time you spend together, but the quality.  Consider setting up a "date day" when you can get together and go out, just like before you were married.  It is important in today's busy world to schedule in time for your spouse and adhere to it.  Sit down with your husband and locate the times each month that you have off together.  Designate these times to be with each other and make it quality time.  Be sure you get the most out of every minute you are together.  There is a huge difference to spending your precious time together talking on the phone, on the computer, or watching television versus going out to dinner and having good conversation or a walk in the park.  Consider even spending the night somewhere exciting, whether it be a campout or a night in a fancy hotel.
 
As far as your feelings about having an affair, you need to put those aside.  Once you are married you are committed to making the relationship work (barring unforgivable circumstances).  You declared your love for your husband in your letter to me, so I know that you do not want to hurt him.  An affair will not fulfill you in any way.  All an affair would accomplish is to make you feel even more alone and guilty.  You are a better person than that and I know that you can make your marriage be all that you want it to be. 
 
The first step is yours.  Talk to your husband and insist that you schedule special, high-quality time together.  If you do this, you will not be disappointed.
 
*Faith*
2 Advice From Readers / Any Other Advice?

Friday, October 28th 2005

3:05 AM

Welcome Everyone!

I would like to welcome everyone to "Cake With Faith!"  I am excited about this blog and hope it is successful.  I have been blogging for a while and, upon a friend's suggestion, I decided that an advice blog is something that is needed and I would enjoy.  Eventually, I would like to have an advice column syndicated in newspapers or magazines.  Please feel free to email me at advice_from_faith@yahoo.com and we can get started.  Thank you for stopping by and have a great weekend!

*Faith*

0 Advice From Readers / Any Other Advice?