hi faith. um, i guess i should get started.

 

well, lately, i've been having a tough time here at home. i am only 14 and i've had so much stress on me. i just got my report card and my parents are angry at me, pressuring me to study and study and get my grades up. then, because my mom and dad don't live together after my dad's company made him move 8 hours away, my mom is looking for a job near where my dad is. she wants all of us together so she doesn't have to deal with me by herself. and i have tried to be good, but it isn't my nature. i had recently told my friends about this moving situation and a ton of them are asking if there is anyway to actually stay here. they've gotten so desired for me to stay that they made up some stupid ways to keep me here at home like digging a huge hole under their house so i can live under there for the rest of my school years. yeah, stupid. but because of the way my mom has been and my grades (plus the way i have to contact my dad and show him my homework via email which is a pain), i kind of want to move. i can tell that my friends understand the way i feel, but i know that they really want me to stay. i also want to stay because all of us want to be together when we go into high school. for my parents' sake, i want to move. but for me and my friends, i don't. it is so tiring to know what i want to do and what i should do. i just don't know how to handle this.

 

mixed feelings

 

 

 

 

Dear Mixed Feelings,

 

First of all, let me give you a big, virtual hug!  You have a really stressful situation that you are dealing with right now and that might account for your struggling grades.  With your family being geographically separated and living with a mom who is pretty stressed out, herself, this could be contributing to your grade problem.  You have a lot on your mind right now and that could be keeping you from performing as well as you could with your studies.  It sounds like you are trying your best and that is all that you can do.  As far as your grades go, if you and your mom are concerned, try talking to some of your teachers.  See if they can help provide you with any extra tutoring or help in the subject(s) that you are having problems with.  In addition, if they know what you are going through, they may be able to offer some valuable advice and support. 

 

Your feelings regarding the impending move are normal and reasonable.  Being a teenager, you have a group of friends that you have worked hard to get.  It is tough being your age, I can remember!  Trying to fit in is difficult and it probably seems that you would have to start all over again in a new area.  Knowing who you can trust, who is nice, who is not, and what is expected of you at a new school is frightening and confusing.  Sweetie, it is inevitable that you will have to move.  It is not healthy for your parents and family to be geographically separated and that lends itself to a lot of unhappiness.

 

Just because you will be moving doesn't mean that you will lose your friends.  Especially with today's technology!  When I was 14, all we had was snail mail and the occasional (very expensive) long distance phone call.  Maintaining friendships across the miles was very difficult.  But now?  Your options are unlimited and it can literally feel like they are still right in the same town with you most of the time.

 

Here are some suggestions that you might want to consider.  Be sure to talk with your parents about any of these suggestions that you will need their help with.  Be patient with your mom, because she is stressed and has mixed emotions also. 

 

(1.)  Maintain contact with your friends through the internet (email, instant messaging, voice chat)

 

(2.)  Know that it may be possible for you to return to your old hometown for a visit with a friend during a break or summer.  Also, it is possible for you to invite friends to your new home.

 

(3.)  Focus on learning all that you can about your new town.  Try to find out about the school you would be attending...what clubs do they have?  Will you be able to join in the same activities you are in now?  Arrange for your parents to get this set up for you when the time comes.

 

(4.)  Have your parents contact the school you will be attending and get a few kids in the grade you will be in that you can shadow.  This means that they can show you around, be available if you need to talk, and help you get to know the area.  The school should be able to hook you up with other kids who will be able to do this.

 

(5.)  Start thinking about how you might like to decorate your new room!  This is a great chance to update the look of the place in which you spend a lot of time.  At your age, you might look for a more mature look (since you have left behind childhood and are becoming a young adult). 

 

(6.)  Talk to your parents about finding information about local places of worship.  It could be very helpful to get involved in a church/synagogue/etc that focuses on youth.  This could be a great place to meet new friends and receive support.

 

(7.)  See if your parents can get a telephone plan with unlimited long distance inside the country you in which you live.  There are many plans available and it might be very nice for you to be able to pick up the phone and call your best friends back in your own hometown.

 

If you need any further assistance, please email me again.  I would be more than happy to help you research your new town and get to know more about it.  Overcoming the unknown is a big step in feeling better about the situation you are living.  Big hugs to you!